Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
