Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
