Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
