Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
