She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
