the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
