Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
