Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
