You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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