I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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