just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
