he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
