We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
