i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Alive.
So much puke
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
3 2 1 whiskey
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
