he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
