You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
