i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
