saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
