how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
