It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
