He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
