My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
