So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found puke in my bra..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
