Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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