flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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