A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
