Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was like eating out sand paper
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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