Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
