On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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