Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
