you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
