I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
