A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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