Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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