It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
