he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
