she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
