I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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