I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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