My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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