Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
