Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
