thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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