I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
