Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We talked him into tasing himself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
