So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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