Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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