I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
