it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
