I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
