i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
