i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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