His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
