Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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